Forgetting Who I Once Was

IMG_3043

It has been more than a decade since it happened. It was a late October night. I could not fall a sleep, and the red screen of my alarm clock was staring at me. As if the clock was getting ready to do something the moment I closed my eyes.

Then, within the darkness of the four walls that surrounded me and without any announcement, hell imploded from my insides towards the outside realm.

That lonely night stopped being lonely. Now, I had company.

My demons where ready to be released. Not one, but all of them at the same time. My room was already dark, and it became urgently darker. The party had started, and I was the guest of honor. I tried to escape, but I did not know where to go. It was too dark to discern what was around me. All I saw was the deepest darkness, as if all my fears had painted the walls.

I began to hear a voice. The voice. One that after all these years I still remember. One that started to yell at me, louder each time. It was not coming from the dark walls: it was coming from the depths of my being. The red screen of my alarm clock started to move faster, and there were not numbers anymore, just ever shifting symbols. That October night, a night that has been with me for long, made me forget who I once was. A memory of my old self that fades each night before falling asleep. After more than a decade, I still have not got used to the idea that I am different.

I became different.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s