From My Journal

The following line is from my journal:

I’m scared of how much damage I can do. 

The reason for that is due to the damage I’ve caused to people I love.

The problem is that I tend to realize it once I’ve done it. I feel that my intention is never to cause distress to others. Still, I manage to say things that do just that. 

These situations don’t happen often. When they do, however, I feel puzzled and with inner conflict. I’m glad that most of them end up being resolved after talking things out. 

But the damage was there.

I feel that the reason it happens is because I stop being present. I get into a negative thinking trap. That’s when I see this pattern happening.  

What I’m going to do is to take one-second of awareness. I was reminded of this recently. 

Realizing where I am, with whom, and in what setting. Attune myself with my environment and with the people around me because I tend to be day dreaming a lot. That makes me detached from the present moment a lot, making me unaware with what’s going on.

Meanwhile, I got the opportunity to share a moment of meditation with someone important to me. It was a great experience to share that mindful moment.

This time it felt different. I felt that I lost myself and became one with the environment. I had my eyes open when this was happening. 

I’m hoping to reach that state of awareness and interconnectedness again. 

And to close this post, I would like to end with this:

I’m happy of how much calmness I can share.

Mondai nai,

-Ernesto

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